I asked the photograhper if I could keep the dress…He said no…SO I decided not to smile and ruin the picture. I was 5 years old. The photographer thought it was funny, my parents thought it was funny….me? I was pissed and wanted to scream. I still remember taking that picture and how unbelievibly tight and itchy that freaking dress was. So why did I want to keep it? Why did I want to hold onto something that made me itch and unable to breathe? Because I wanted control.Oh the things we do for control….
The name of my website is ferventlydriven.com and I explain on my welcome page how I believe we are all passionatley driven towards something and how that something impacts how we interact and live with others. So what does passion mean?
Fear that seems emotionally uncontrollable can result in the urge to control
Control goes hand in hand with fear and addictions. This week is National Eating Disorder Awareness week (NEDA) so I will use some examples from what someone might say with an eating disorder….
“I was scared and didn’t know what was going to happen so I started controlling what I ate. I could always control that.”
“I was scared of failing so I started controlling what I ate. I was very good at controlling what I put into my body. It was impossible to fail at that.”
Then it turns into:
“I can’t control what I eat anymore, I feel like it’s controlling me….I’m terrified that I’m going to become fat.”
“I can’t lose any more weight, I am such a failure at this eating disorder. I feel so out of control.”
We are controllable through the manipulation of all that we fear…No fear – no control
Pay attention to what you think you are controlling because the thing you think you are controlling might actually be controlling you.
-Be Fervently Driven